Reflection

Its 12 months this weekend since my major football injuries which brought an end to 20 years of lower to middle grade rugby union. Last year we ventured to Muswellbrook at a point in the season [after a horrible previous year] where I was really beginning to enjoy my football, the side was going well and we were just hitting our stride!
We were really short of players due to injuries and the road trip [1 1/2 hours from Newcastle] and I had a shoulder strain from the previous week strapped up to take my place in the front row.
The game was a really annoying one in cold blustery conditions and we were getting really narky and chatty with the opposition and the referee over some very dodgy calls. I gave some of our players a serve and suggested that if things were going to change it would be because we tightened and toughened up our play, shut up and got on with putting ourselves in a good field position instead of wasting energy on the referee... I was playing cranky and getting more involved in the hard stuff than for a few weeks.

Then after a run, a driving maul, a run and then resting on the blindside, the ball came to me for a 'hit up' [editors note: while other terminology sits there without explanation this means charging 5 metres with the ball from a standing start, crashing into a tackler, hitting the ground and placing the ball back behind me for the runners trailing me in support] However, I hit the opposite player whose knees hit my legs just below each knee... he was a small player but it was just the right point of contact.

I later learn, after 6 hours at a local hospital, a 2 hour transfer, a night of agony and a consult next morning, that I ruptured [read snapped completely]both my kneecap tendons. This is the attachment from your shin muscle to your kneecap. I remember the name of all the surgeon to all my mates from rugby and Dr Tarrant and his team operate that Sunday.

Next comes six weeks in plaster and a further week in hospital. You can't bend your knee for minimum six weeks after this surgery and I couldn't move them at all once they were in plaster so I needed to stay... After the six weeks of course you can no longer bend them even if you want to and so intense physio and hydro pool led to another months rehab before I drove the car. I had 3 months off but did a months worth of writing and reading for work.

So here I am, wires still in the knees [surgery later in 2004 to remove those] retired from footy but coaching and able to walk and get about independently. After a decade of tendonitis in the knees I believe prednisone [taken for food allergies to prevent having reactions] is the reason my knees gave out and so I am still angry about that happening... I guess you could tell that after 20 years of rugby I was one of those guys who'd play on whilst ever I could. I had set myself for one or two more serious seasons and so that choice was taken from me. I miss playing very much... whilst coaching has been and remains enjoyable I really miss the opportunity to be 'out there'.

I don't need anyone to tell me I had a pretty good innings, or that I was too old, slow and past it... I know that... but that was my choice. Like my music, rugby was a game I could invest energy into to escape from other things... 60 minutes of physical activity, belting the opposition, testing yourself, playing in a team and experiencing elation, disappointment and eveything in between. Part of a successful club I have half as many premierships as years I've played and I just miss it!!

BUT when I do these days I try to think of 1. all the old blokes I get to hang around with and talk to about old times, the current team and life in general 2. Ben Darwin, who is well known to our club and is the Wallaby player whose neck was injured in the World Cup last year who has retired from football. At least I got to play 20 years, none with the Australian side, and have all that to look back on... Ben likewise is philosophical and thankful just to be able to walk... I know that part of the experience!! So I can stop and know that life goes on and everyone gives the game away at some stage.... its just that some get to be crazy and go back for a social run, a golden oldies or just when they feel like it... when they are way past their use by date... I wanted that opportunity!!